I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
