too bad you live with your parents still
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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