Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
