I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize