You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
