I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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