how can u be prego again
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It was confusing and full of hummus
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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