her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
