Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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