i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
