This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
