Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm really busy with my period
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