you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
