Nicole vs. Life
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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