The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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