cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
