Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
