Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
