respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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