her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
