tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Operation Purity has been aborted
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
