His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
