You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
