he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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