question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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