SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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