She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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