It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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