i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
