Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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