Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
