Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
