i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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