'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
