no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
