The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
