it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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