Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
