I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
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he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
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There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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