dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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