the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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