Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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