i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
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I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
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