I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
