I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
