I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
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Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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