got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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