I have demons in me.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
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I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
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You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.