Girls should come with a carfax report
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?