Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Thank you for not boning my boss.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.