butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit