Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
