i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
