so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
