Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
