I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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