Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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