On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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