who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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