I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
