dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
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She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i need some magic done to my vagina
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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