You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
