I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
