I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
