Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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