my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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